The power of curiosity in parenting
As a psychologist, curiosity is one of my most powerful tools. Over the years, I’ve learned that when I approach children and teenagers with genuine interest (without judgment or assumptions) they open up in ways that even surprise their parents. I don’t come in with a lecture or a solution right away. Instead, I start by seeking to understand.
But curiosity isn’t just a tool for therapists. It’s a game-changer for parenting too.
Parents often tell me, “My child never tells me anything! Why do they talk to you and not to me?” The answer? I approach them with curiosity, not correction. I ask questions to understand their world, not to fix it. I listen to their thoughts, ideas, and struggles without immediately turning it into a life lesson. And the more they feel understood, the more they trust me, and the more they talk.
If you’ve ever felt like your child shuts you out, is reluctant to share their feelings, or only gives you one-word answers, you’re not alone. But there’s a way to gently break through that wall, and it starts with curiosity.
Why curiosity works in parenting
Curiosity is powerful because it:
When kids feel like they’re not going to be judged or immediately lectured, they feel safe opening up.
When we show respect for our child’s thoughts and feelings, they are more likely to respect ours.
Instead of telling your child what to do, curiosity invites them into a conversation, reducing defensiveness.
The more your child feels heard, the stronger your bond becomes. And when your bond is strong, they’re more likely to seek your guidance.
How to bring more curiosity into parenting
So, how can you use curiosity to build connection with your child? Here are some simple but effective strategies:
Ask, don’t assume
It’s easy to jump to conclusions when your child is upset or acting out. But instead of assuming you know what’s wrong, try asking questions in a way that invites them to share.
Instead of asking “Why are you always in a bad mood?”, try “I noticed you seem frustrated. Want to talk about it?”
Instead of asking “Why didn’t you do your homework? Are you being lazy?”, try “I saw that your homework isn’t done yet. Was it too tricky, or are you feeling tired?”
Open-ended questions help children feel like you’re truly interested, rather than interrogating them.
Listen to understand, not to fix
Sometimes, kids just need to feel heard. They don’t always want or need a solution right away. Instead of jumping in with advice, try reflecting back what they’re saying.
Instead of asking “You should just ignore them if they’re being mean”, try “That sounds really tough. What do you think would help?”
When kids feel like they’re being listened to (especially without being told how to feel or what to do) they’re more likely to keep talking.
Ditch the teachable moment (Sometimes)
Not every conversation needs to turn into a life lesson. Sometimes, the best way to connect is to just listen and be present. If your child shares something vulnerable, resist the urge to immediately correct, teach, or analyse.
Instead of “This is why you need to be more responsible,” try “That must have been hard. Do you want to talk more about it?”
When kids don’t feel like every conversation is going to lead to a lecture, they’ll be more willing to share with you.
Get curious about their world
One of the simplest ways to connect with kids and teens is by showing genuine interest in their hobbies and passions - even if they don’t make sense to you.
Ask about their favourite YouTuber, what they love about their latest video game, or what they’re building in Minecraft. It might not seem important to you, but it’s important to them. And by showing interest, you’re showing that they are important to you.
You can ask “What’s your favourite thing about that game?”, “What’s one thing you love about this show?”, or “If you could be any character from that book, who would you choose and why?”
Even if you don’t understand their obsession with a particular trend, your willingness to listen and engage makes a big impact. Kids and teens love when adults take them seriously!
When connection builds, so does respect
Here’s the magic of using curiosity in parenting: the more your child feels understood, the more they will trust and respect you. And when they trust and respect you, they’re more likely to listen to your guidance, because they know it comes from a place of understanding, not just authority.
It doesn’t mean they’ll always open up right away. It doesn’t mean they won’t still have tough days. But when curiosity is your parenting tool, you’re creating a relationship where your child knows they can come to you without fear of judgment.